2011 Tour de France, the Most Heavily Doped Race in Years

Alberto Contador learned his lesson when he got snagged for doping at the 2010 Tour de France. He learned not to use clenbuterol or other “lesser” performance enhancing drugs in the days leading up to drawing blood for later transfusion.

At the 2011 Giro d’Italia Contador dominated like a machine. He humiliated all comers and hardly broke a sweat doing it, giving away stage wins like a king granting parcels of land to favored vassals.

At the elite level of any sport, the difference between levels of excellence is measured in hair breadths, not light-years. Alberto’s dominance at the Giro would be expected if someone of his talent were racing against ProConti riders. But against a collection of elites?

Alberto’s competitors learned as well, both from Alberto and from UCI.

From Alberto they learned that if they are to stand any chance whatsoever of defeating him in this year’s Tour de France, they must be just as skilled and ruthless at doping as he is.

From UCI they learned that they have nothing to fear, regardless of how obviously they dope.

Because just a few months ago we saw the Index of Suspicion, aka The List.

The List was intended for use in targeting the most suspicious riders, those whose biological passport data indicated the highest likelihood of having doped during that season.

But that targeting of the most highly suspect riders never occurred.

Then, during the build up to the Amgen EPO Tour of California USADA was slotted to take over testing from the UCI and ran a three month program of pre-race blood testing leading. They had used that testing cycle to again identify the riders who were most highly suspect and formed their own Index of Suspcion, which we were told would actually be used for its intended purpose.

But just days before the race, in order to prevent just such targeting, UCI removed USADA from the in race testing program and took over those duties itself, tossing all of USADA’s work and its List out the window.

Riders are faced with a choice, race clean and be humiliated or dope to the gills and be competitive. Knowing that UCI not only expects them to dope, but tacitly condones it and will take drastic steps to protect dopers, we can expect to see doping at this edition of the Tour de France rise to new heights.

I also anticipate that we’ll see some performances that will make the best of Lance Armstrong, Floyd Landis and Alberto Contador (to date) look mundane.

2011 Tour de France Wild Card Selections Used Punitively vs UCI

Christian Prudhomme is ASO’s director of the Tour de France. That makes him a pretty powerful guy.

He’s just admitted that his selections for the four 2011 Tour de France wild card teams was purely a punitive action, done as revenge for UCI granting ProTeam status to just a single French squad.

Thusly does he justify his inclusion of five shitty French teams in the overall selection process.

But, says he, if only UCI will be reasonable in the future and grant shitty French teams a larger portion of the coveted 18 ProTeam licenses, all will be well and he would then be able to consider lowly Australian, Columbian and Kenyan teams, or just any ole team that’s actually deserving of an invitation.

Prudhomme is unconcerned with French worthiness to ride le Tour. They simply deserve all consideration in all venues and under all circumstances, at any time and anywhere in the world, merely for having the good sense to be born French. The fact that they suck should have no bearing on anything at all, ever.

The UCI has been slapped down by ASO in the past, until they’re little more than ASO’s bitches. I was really shocked that they had the guts to include only a single French team in the ProTeam licensing (though I don’t believe that even that one team deserves it, so even that single selection is a cop out).

You can bet that in coming years UCI will cave in on this.

But how should this year’s wild card selections be viewed?

Should le Tour drop in prestige, not only this year for permanently?

Even with such a heavy weighting to the French, they have no chance whatsoever of winning the overall. The race is still months away and already they’re relegated to chasing stage wins, and due to their mass of numbers they’re likely to pull a few off.

With nearly a full third of all the teams and riders in le Tour not really deserving the selection (due do their Frenchness, which translates directly to a perfect Suckitude Rating), and the overall field heavily watered down, does le Tour really deserve its place as the grandest of all the Grand Tours?

It IS kind of sad that the guys representing the national pride of the host country are the very guys who don’t deserve to be in the race.

May it’s time to elevate the Giro d’Italia to the #1 spot? They seem to have a lot more passion and dedication to the sport itself and they race this year is easily a match in quality for le Tour.

Maybe ASO and French arrogance tell us that it’s time for le Tour to take its rightful place behind the Giro.

If ASO wants le Tour to become a 2nd division national showcase, maybe the race should be reduced to an HC level event and eliminated as a Grand Tour entirely.

Or should we think, “this just makes things simpler for the few teams with real contenders”?

Or maybe we should we think, instead, that ASO met it’s obligation to include the 18 ProTeam squads, so the what happens with the other four is really meaningless?

Thoughts on Stuff

— Pegasus Sports, they crash and burn without ever getting off the ground.

Is a lackluster roster to blame?

Was billionaire douchewad, George Gillet unwilling to cough up a promised 4.7 million bucks for a team charging hard toward mediocrity or worse? What happened to team development?

Where’s Robbie “Head-Butt” McEwen gonna be racing now?

He’s probably one of the few guys from Pegasus who’ll be lucky enough to find a team for ’11.

I’ve asked him, via Twitter. So for he’s silently told me to piss off.

That hurts, Head-Butt. Truly.

::sniffle::

— HTC uses 2011 team kits to announce that the entire team is gay.

— Pat McQuaid, Uber Douche (yes, I do use that word waaaaaaaaaay too much).

Remember in ’09 when Lance Armstrong said something about the Grand Tours not needing to be three weeks long, that maybe two weeks would be plenty?

Pat agrees and is actually pushing to have the Giro and Vuelta reduced.

Does anyone else smell ASO on this?

McQuaid has been their bitch since they slapped his azz down over who they did and didn’t have to invite to their races and showed him that they’re the real power in professional cycling, not UCI.

Since then he’s been making sly lil moves that up their importance by undermining the competition, like moving the Tour of California to May vs the Giro d’Italia and extending it closer to two weeks.

I agree with him that cycling needs to be expanded outside of Europe. But I’d rather see a rival for European cycling. I don’t think American and other National cycling interests need to be a parasite on European cycling. There’s no need to bleed one in order to feed the others.

— Jonathan Vaughters says, the way cycling and the junction between teams, sponsors and events is run now, sucks.

Actually, Jonathan never used the word “sucks”, but I know he wanted to, so I used it for him.

You’re welcome, JV. Any little thing I can do to help.

I’m not sure his proposed system is THE solution, but it’s a solution.

I do know that right now the organization of professional cycling is a disaster that isn’t beneficial to teams, riders, events, sponsors or fans. It’s stupidly unstable. That needs to change.

I still say that UCI stands in the way of any positive movement or change and that they need to be destroyed by any means honest or dishonest. They are a snake masquerading as a savior.

— Here’s a bike related music video for all my courier fixie-wank readers via Ophelia (yes, she sent it before she slipped / jumped into the river and drowned). I’d thank her but, hello, she’s dead.

Yes, I’ll mention you, too, if you send me one that I use.

— And because I know you’re starved for it, more advice and worldly wisdom from your dear Bikezilla.

Questions via Formask.com, all asked me by really really smart people.

Q: How many cockels are in the human heart?

A: None, but there are 37.2659347 cockles.

Q: Does mrs. claus go bar-hopping, that one night that santa is away?

A: No, she comes straight to my place.

Q: Do you cry at movies?

A: You mean like when Spock died?

I totally refuse to answer this.

Q: Is my girlfriend pregnant, her boobs hurt, she can smell a lot of things, foods make her sick and she has mood swings really bad?

A: Depends. Are her eyes glowing red, too?

Q: What color bra should my girlfriend wear?

A: I wouldn’t mind seeing her in the red one. I mean, I like her in the black one, too, but . . .

Q: When you convert to another denomination or faith how does it affect your relationship with your family?

A: Again, depends. What are you converting to / from?

For instance, if you convert from Judaism to Islam, you’re required to blow you’re whole family up the next time they visit Starbucks or ride the bus.

Q: Can you bl** me?

A: No, but while we’re on it, would you mind telling your mom “thanks” for me? She was totally worth the $5.

Amgen EPO Tour of California: Sabotaging the Giro?

In the comments to my article about Amgen EPO Tour of California’s introduction of an Alpe d’Huez type climb and stage in order to boost rider and fan interest, Geoff said:

“I don’t care if these clowns have the riders climb the thing on flat-tired kids’ trikes for maximum drama, they can all still bite it for scheduling the Tour of California against the Giro. Plus half the peloton jacked their season with injuries. Dirtbags!”

This, of course, just filled me wee brain with questions.

We’ll go into this stipulating that UCI, ASO and the organizers of the Amgen EPO Tour of California all embezzle funds, evade taxes, have huge cocaine and heroine addictions, torture animals, are amorous with their siblings and first cousins, and abuse their spouses and their children.

With that out of the way . . .

What about Cali organizer’s view that the Amgen EPO Tour of Cali is a race for the most serious contenders for the Tour and, strictly for that purpose, superior to the Giro?

Is it the case that the riders who do Cali are making a strict “either / or” choice? Or are they simply riders or teams with differing goals for the season?

Were they previously likely to do the Giro because, even though it may overtax them in their preparation for the Tour, it seemed to be their only option?

Didn’t ASO come out strongly supportive of this move?

So, what about UCI’s relationship with ASO and ASO’s role in this? UCI sucks ASO ding ding (add that to the above list of stipulated character flaws), at least until they feel they can have the upper hand in the relationship.

Is this on some level an effort by ASO to bleed off top riders from the Giro (regardless of the validity of why they switch to Cali)? Are they aiding the sabotage of a competing Grand Tour in an effort to maintain their on position as THE Grand Tour?

Was the move of Cali to May encouraged by ASO to help maintain the lopsided balance of power that exists between the three Grand Tours, with the Tour, rightly or wrongly, being viewed as the most coveted?

And here’s the link to my original article on this from last year.