For Beginning Cycling Fans: Robbie McEwen, Robbie Hunter and Their Journey From Pegasus to RadioSkank

After reading my last article, “Even More Thoughts on Stuff” someone who doesn’t typically follow cycling said, “Who are these guys and why should I care?”.

So here’s the basics on Robbie “Head-Butt” McEwen and Robbie Hunter, or “The Robbies” and their journey from Pegasus Sports to Team RadioSkank.

If I’m missing something on this one, any of you with a stronger knowledge of cycling history feel free to correct me.

Professional cyclists are unofficially divided into “types”: Sprinters, climbers, overall (GC, General Classification) and support (domestique).

McEwen, in his youth, was the baddest ass sprinter ever and he was a wicked, wicked rider. He had a penchant for head-butting opponents, and that was just one weapon in his arsenal of underhanded and outright mean tactics. On top of the nastiness he was just plain fast. Possibly the best of his time and he still has no quit in him. The man is a beast.

As a sprinter he’s still pretty good, but age and a really nasty injury two years ago have stolen something from him and he’s dropped to the second tear of top sprinters. Still damned impressive at 38 years old.

He’ll still finish top 4 or 5 in most sprints vs the true elites.

He’s also mellowed. A lot. He isn’t as fast and he’s also not as psycho.

Robbie Hunter was never better than a second tier guy. All his victories are in sprints, but almost all are in lesser races vs second and third tier sprinters or non-sprinters.

RadioShack (RadioSkank) is Lance Armstrong’s team. Any team associated with Lance has . . . issues. One of those issues is that the guys on the team are picked for their literal slavish devotion to Lance. This has actually been openly and publicly stated by the team.

Another issue is that not one of Lance’s teams, EVER, has supported sprinting, because sprinting isn’t Lance’s gig and if it isn’t Lance’s gig who gives a shiite about it. None of his teams has even ever had a top sprinter.

So, for a pair of guys who are considered or who consider themselves to be sprinters, RadioSkank is not a logical nor a productive choice. It’s a desperate choice and no flowery words nor hopeful phrases will change that.

But the Robbies’ old team (Pegasus) never really got off the ground and they (the Robbies) were stuck with a choice of 1. Riding at a basically amateur level when they’ve spent their careers riding at the elite level. 2. Not riding at all because at this point in the off season finding another team approaches becoming impossible 3. Riding for the first guy with a first division team who offers to take you in, because chances are that he’s gonna be the only guy making an offer.

Even More Thoughts on Stuff

— Another cyclist victimized in a hit and run on-purpose.

This guy wasn’t Kornheisered, he wasn’t just “tapped” or “popped”, he was Learyed.

Jurgen Ankenbrand must have been Hamilton Beach, California’s “number one quality of life threat”. So some socially astute guardian of the public trust and welfare took his Toyota 4 Runner and hammered the 67 year old raging cyclopath straight to Hell.

And Denis Leary gives another cheer

But, really, isn’t it nice to finally see the “angry” in Angry Asian?

— Robbie “Head-Butt” McEwen and Robbie Hunter sign on to the RadioSkank Slave Squad.

Couple’a points.

1. Robbie Hunter? Not really a sprinter, not even at his best and strongest. So quit fookin’ sayin’ he is! Dammit.

Is he a good guy? Sure. Is he a reliable domestique? Yes. But he’s only gonna win a sprint if all the real sprinters break their legs and are forced to ride 25 year old steal frame commuters.

2. Going to RadioSkank as a sprinter (are you listening, Head-Butt?) is like going into the salt flats as a climber.

As Johan Bruyneel admits, Robbie and Robbie can expect exactly ZERO by way of team support. The first race is yet to be rid and he’s already saying, “Yer on yer own, fellas.”.

Johan, oh by the way, would the the King Mega Boogie of All Douche Bags if not for being topped by Lance Armstrong.

Head-Butt, for his part, took full advantage of the official UCI Boonen Exemption and took a few healthy drags on his crack pipe, saying:

“Johan Bruyneel offered me the environment I was looking for. I am happy and grateful. I still know and believe that I am one of the fastest sprinters in the world. The young guys like Cavendish, Farrar or Greipel are tough to beat but I know that I am still amongst that group of elite sprinters.”

Ummmmmmmm, right. Just what the rest of us were thinking. Or not.

Head-Butt then passed the pipe to Hunter, who finished it off and said:

“Team RadioShack suits me very well. I’ve proved in the past that I have no problem sacrificing my chances for another rider as I did last year for Tylar Farrar. Also in 2011 the Team can count on me and I know that they will give me the opportunity to do my own sprints, too.”

Right, you weren’t supporting Tyler Farrar because he’s the second best sprinter in the world and you’re a schlub, you were supporting Tyler because you valiantly sacrificed your own glory, which you easily could have snatched away from the snot nosed upstart had you not been such a swell team player.

And, yes, you will be allowed to do your own sprints. For instance, if you want to ace the sprint at your family picnic, BAM, totally yours. You wanna win the final sprint at the Tour of Bumfuktistan, POOF, you got it, buddy.

Come on, guys, really? Radioskank is a desperation move.

When McEwen was just a baby Head-Butt he was Cav before there was a Cav, and a whole lot nastier. I think guys were actually afraid of Head-Butt back in the day, both as a sprinter and as a flat-out, flaming sociopath.

Sadly, as he’s gotten older and slower he’s also gotten more civilized.

To that I say, “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

The best thing that will come out of this deal is that Head-Butt will be mentoring guys like Ben King (yes, the American one). Because of McEwen, you’ll see a more aggressive bunch of younger guys and they’ll learn to read a course better and more quickly than they would without him.

Head-Butt has a lot more to offer The Skank than The Skank has to offer him.

— $10,400 to “test” a bike and give a manufacturer a role of stickers that says it is “UCI approved”?

I call bullshiite.

— I actually agree with UCI on this one.

And, yes, saying that did cause a lil blood vessel in my eye to burst.

But the whole Pegasus thing seemed to be done in a totally halfazzed manner.

Chris White has been a fookin’ wolverine and when Pegasus eventually makes it to the elites it’ll be largely thanks to his refusal to roll over and die.

But, dude, organization does NOT appear to be your forte (pronounced FORT, for all you retards who doubly miss pronounce it forTAY).

A free one year subscription to Bikezilla if you can name my pet peeve.

— Campagnolo reintroduces an electronic groupo.

Just as Shimano is rumored to releasing its Ultegra Di2 set in 2012.

Campagnolo has a lot to live up to considering that Shimano’s Dura Ace Di2 groupo has a reputation for flawless performance under any conditions.

SRAM says they’re sticking with purely mechanical group sets because they’re less expensive and are affordable to a larger group of riders.

Again, I call bullshiite.

Their business model doesn’t allow them to create a groupo to compete with the quality and performance of Dura Ace Di2, which will be the standard until someone can unseat it.

When Shimano’s cheap stuff fails, it usually just grossly under-performs, bends, stretches, refuses to hold adjustment.

All bad stuff, which has caused me to really have an intense disliking for Shimano and the way they shiite all over their lower income customers.

But . . .

When SRAM’s cheap stuff fails, it usually BREAKS, sometimes dangerously.

— And for your viewing and listening pleasure, another bike related music video.

Submitted by the temporarily resurrected Ophelia. Poor lil zombie Ophelia. Thank you.