Bikezilla

Ride the Puddles

Bikezilla’s Love and Relationship Advice

Posted by bikezilla on July 8, 2011


Dear Bikezilla,

Recently my BF of a couple months has started sending me emoticons. He sends them in texts, in emails, he even tweets them to me.

I really love his sexy cycling legs, but, emoticons? Gosh! I just don’t know.

Should I be concerned?

Possibly Concerned in Seattle.

Dear Possibly,

Your “man” has gotten in touch with his feminine side.

I’m sure that at first you found this charming, even endearing. But once that five minutes passed you realized that if you wanted to date someone that chickish you could just go lesbo and save yourself a lot of headaches to boot.

At first offense you should have immediately pulled your BF’s Man Card for a period of no less than one week.

If, during this probationary period, he refrained from all use of emoticons and had not participated in any other girly activities or mannerisms, he could then have said Man Card reinstated.

However, repeated offenses, such as you have indicated, should (in fact must) be taken as a very clear “coming out of the closet” statement.

If there is any doubt remaining, look for any of these other signs:

Has he started playing golf?

Does he follow curling, no matter how casual he tries to pretend his interest is?

Has he ever had a manicure or a pedicure? Both?!

Does he drink hazelnut coffee?

Does he wear Lampre kit?

If even a single one of these additional signs is present, you should assume that when he leaves you it will be for another man.

Be smart, leave him first.

Hope this helps.

Bikezilla

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