Ride the Puddles

Wearing Your Stupid-Hat

Posted by bikezilla on July 4, 2010

Not much going on the last two rides, which were, in theory, easy rides.

Saturday finished out last week’s schedule with 38 miles, putting me at 101 miles for the week.   Today was 21.5 miles to open this one. Both days were at a relaxed pace that still left me hurting, because my legs need a rest day, but I’ll be damned if I’ll waste a single day of my three day break.

So let’s talk about you for a minute.

Ok, not really YOU (or probably not really you, at least I hope not), but just a generic you.

Why is it that the moment you, sometimes with friends and family, sometimes alone, step on the trail that you become a drooling, bumbling idiot?

As you walk, you wander aimlessly from side to side of the trail, your group will spread out to hog the absolute most realestate possible, your children zigzag without thought or care. Then you’re shocked and filled with indignation when you learn that anyone else would like to use the trail at the same time and that some of those people will need to come by or around you. What proves the overwhelming nature of your idiocy is that even after this happens to you once or twice or a dozen times, you’re just as shocked filled with indignation the next time it happens.

When you take a break, do you bother stepping off the trail or at least standing to one side? Nope, you stand right smack in the center of everything and can’t believe that anyone should be asshole enough to expect you to move to one side or the other so that they may pass by you safely.

You’ll stare off idly into the woods or over some water and even though you can hear my wheels crunching on the trail surface and I call out that I’m about to come by you, you still turn around at the last moment and mindlessly step right into my line.

I see you walking ahead of me and I call out, “passing on your left”, in fact I’ll typically say it two or three times. How do you respond? Now and again you’ll actually hold your own line, occasionally you’ll even move farther to the right, but more than half the time you either dodge to the left or you swing around to look at me, then dance side to side trying to decide which direction you should move and only God ever knows which you’ll eventually choose. It’s like watching a squirrel or a chipmunk, only they’re SUPPOSED to be stupid and you kid yourself that you aren’t.

I don’t want to run you over and I know that you, despite your monumental stupidity, don’t honestly want to be run over either.

I really make an effort to be a good neighbor while I’m on the trail. If you’d just take your stupid-hat off and pay a little attention to your surroundings and to others who are also using the trail, it’d be easy to make sure that no running over comes between us.

It’s not that hard, really. You just have to quit being such a mouth-breathing dumbass.


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